Meeting potential romantic partners in MMOs is often seen as bad idea.
The case against: the medium is too thin to establish a ‘real’ relationship, there is too high a chance of projection or out-right deception and everyone online is supposed to be playing a role anyway.
At the recent Sex in Video Games conference, artist and now game maker Andrea Fryer spoke up for the medium suggesting that meeting in MMOs has advantages over traditional dating. Here she summarizes the case for romance in MMOs:
- Would you be shocked if I told you that not only are game-spawned relationships common, but I'd also claim they are one of the best ways to get to know someone, especially if you are a big city person in the western culture where people are so careful, picky and paranoid when it comes to romance.
Please note that actually meeting someone compatible in a game may prove to be more challenging though. Even though souls easily connect, other things may not. For instance he's 19 & lives with his mom and she is a 35 year-old housewife. Notwithstanding this let’s consider different ways people get to know each other through three example set ups:
Classic dating
- couple meet "in the flesh" - at a bar, gym, etc. They go on dates, have fun, enjoy romantic dinners and have great sex. Each are convinced that the other must surely be the most charming person in the world. What a wonderful, intoxicating time indeed. But not once are they a) put in danger b) attacked c) forced to deal with conflict, so of course it's easy to be charming. In fact, they'll probably be on their very best behavior for months on end and their worst sides may remain in hibernation - for years even.
Internet dating
- couple meet online then find themselves chatting every evening, sending long, deep emails etc. But it's really the same thing as above and even worse, since with textual communication they are able to carefully think about every word they write. The bottom line is that they have total control over the image they present to the other and can appear to be Mister/Miss Dream. What's there to stop them?
Game dating - couple meet (either live/online/in the game) and decide to spend time together in-game. They have now stepped into an arena which has removed much of their control over fate and the couple are subjected to a whole array of spontaneous situations which demand immediate reaction, bringing out either the best or the worst in the other person. Let's look at some example scenarios:
Our couple has been trying to slay a dragon for two hours, have died for the 20th time and the last of their armor is broken. Anyone would be irritated at this point, but who is mature enough to laugh it off and show some positive attitude, like suggesting they try again the next day, and instead go on a mountaintop picnic for now? Then again, who is childish or short tempered enough to storm off fuming because it was you that messed up during most of those attempts. Who starts giving sermons about how things are really done?
- Couple encounters a treasure chest in the middle of the woods. Within, is one of the best weapons in the game, something they've both been needing for a very long time. Signs of greed / graciousness? Maturity in priorities, what matters more, making their honey happy or the stupid virtual weapon?
- Couple are confronted by some rude idiots in a tavern (people tend to instigate conflict easier in a game). A perfect opportunity to watch how intelligently / aggressively / cowardly / valorously the other reacts. Please note that there are no right reactions, it's all a matter of taste. So while one person would cringe at the other telling the intruders off aggressively, another may beam with pride and find it very sexy.
- Couple adventure into a dungeon and are suddenly surrounded by a group of monsters. In this particular situation, it's possible for one of the two to get out alive, but only if the other defends, dying in the process. Will they do that for you? Or flee like a coward and leave you there stranded?
In summary: MMO relationships are playing the fast forward button to getting to know someone. As mentioned in one of the articles in the Daedelus project, Inside Out, "you get to know someone inside out".
- Andrea
The points that Andrea makes are not only interesting of interest for how we view MMOs but also, as she noted in her intervention at the time, may be crucial to the business models of the raft of new online-dating games we keep hearing about. To quote Andrea again “dating is more than just discovering sexual chemistry together”.
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